New baby on the way and my mom is driving us crazy?
I am a day away from having a c-section and I am going absolutely crazy! Just to give a little background on the situation. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, got put on bed rest, and found out in one of my prenatal visits that Im GBS+. In the midst of all this lovely news I find out that my landlord was in the final throws of foreclosure which meant we had to move out quick! (This is not exactly what I wanted to be doing while 39 weeks pregnant!!) Now… My mom has been eager to come and help me with all thats been going on. We don’t see each other very often since we live about 3 hrs from each other, but on the phone things have always been pleasant. I’ve been warned and aware of her controlling / passive aggressive behavior in the past by siblings & their significant others, but I paid no mind. I figured that her intentions were good and thats all that mattered. Now that she is here I see what my brother was talking about… As I mentioned, I am on medical bed rest and at this point about to be 40 weeks pregnant. Now, since her purpose for staying here for a while was to HELP, I expected her to help me with driving to the store for me, packing small items so I wouldn’t have to bend, stand, etc.. The entire time all she did was stay in the kitchen. She loves to cook, but when it got to the point of it being ALL DAY, I felt that it was too much. I also found her cleaning things that were unnecessary at the time (since we had to move in a week) She would clean things about five times!! She was moving all my things around and not help me pack. Then, she asks me if John (my boyfriend) is going to drive her back and forth from the hospital when I am admitted. She is fully capable of driving, but now she is rendering herself powerless!! So now I feel like I have to cater to her. She cannot go to the store or post office by herself because “she will get lost” and “does not know how to follow directions”. SO, I drive and have to tow her along with me (not what I had in mind, since…Im supposed to be on BED REST and keep my BP from skyrocketing!!) She has however taken the liberty on telling me what to eat and what not to eat, criticizing my boyfriend for everything he does, even picking out my baby’s coming home outfit! She got into it with my boyfriend because he and I had a small argument with all the stress, and she interfered. She even went as far as to say to him that this is her house!! Now when she does help out, (for example: laundry, dishes & cooking) she immediately throws it back in our face and uses it as a reason to control and butt in where she is not welcome. The day our friends came by to help my boyfriend move, she would not stay out of the way. I had already made it clear to her the way I wanted things and how I wanted. All she could do was mope and have an attitude about it and say I was treating her badly after all she has done for me. My dad was around to witness this and she even made indirect remarks about me not being even a hair as good as her, etc, etc.. This worked in my favor since she’s lied to my dad all week about how we’ve been treating her. So now at this point I am taking her insults and cheap shots too, only because I assert myself in having my home organized the way I want it.
Now in our new place and a day away from delivery, she is still trying to reorganize my things, Im STILL having to move things several times back to the way it was, I have to hear the sink running at 11 o’clock at night for no reason, and I STILL have to be behind the steering wheel because “Her Majesty” refuses to drive.
Once the baby is here Im afraid of what to expect. She is known for snatching babies from your arms (this is coming from my sister in law AND my brother) and I fear that I will let out the worst tongue lashing in the world, in which I know I’ll regret. Im also afraid that IF I do have postpartum depression, she will make it worse. I’ve had severe vomiting everyday ever since she got here and have had to take my BP meds alot more. I hope there is a solution to this situation. Any feedback would be most appreciated.
Tagged with: Baby • crazy... • driving
Filed under: Prenatal Depression
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I certainly do not envy your position. I’d put my foot down about driving. Somehow you gotta get her to go home. And if she tries to snatch the baby, just take it back and say I’d like to hold MY child right now. She is trying to be helpful, but she is definitely not making things better for you. I am sorry for you!!! If you break and yell at her blame the hormones! Maybe you should just go psycho on her one good time and then say the baby made you do it!! Best of Luck!
YOUR BABY’S HEALTH IS WHAT MATTERS THE MOST!!
Now, like you said, she’s suppose to be there to HELP but if she’s not, and if she’s making you drive to places then talk to her! Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she’s always right. I mean come on, If you’re put on bed rest then don’t you think it’s for a reason?
Guess who’s the one that is loosing in this situation? YOUR BABY.
Not you,or her, or anybody. BUT YOUR BABY. If you happen to be throwing up and feeling sick, that means your baby feels everything and it is not comfortable either! You need to do what’s right for you and the baby. Simply tell her, or try talking to your brother and sister to see what they recommend you since they know her best.
Honey all I can say is that you need to keep your baby in mind. You do NOT need to do anything for anybody when you’re not suppose to. REST as much as you can! You have to feel the best you can when you go into labor….
Good luck mommy:)
My advice as a mum on bedrest herself is to tell her to GO HOME!! What is she doing for you that is making your life easier- honestly? I know it sounds cold, but if she’s causing that much upset then you’ll have to stand fim, or better still, get your BF to do it…
Wow, you sound really stressed. Your body does not feel good, you have a lot going on and there really is nothing more annoying than someone who claims that they are only there to “help” and are doing just the opposite.
Unfortunately, in my experience with grandparents there is little you can do besides lay some ground rules and try to avoid conflict. No amount of talking to this woman is going to turn her into someone who instinctively knows how to be most helpful, all the while not doing anything annoying.
Perhaps you could sit down and make a series of lists. Lists of things you want done. So if she asks you a question, or tries to do something not on the list, you can refer her to the list?
Unfortunately, I’m not sure that will help. I am having flash backs to my MIL’s visit when our son was a newborn. She decided to make a huge pot of spaghetti sauce with meatballs and freeze it into serving size bags, so that we could make ourselves quick dinners. Great idea, right? Well, it would have been except the process of making that sauce was labor intensive for all of us. We had to help her get to the store for ingredients. We had to locate pots and pans that were to her liking. We had to teach her how to use our stove, find the correct spices, open cans for her and generally make ourselves available as sous chefs.
The last straw was when she wandered in while we were changing our son and asked us how many meatballs we wanted per frozen package of sauce – 2, 3 or 4?
I am telling you this so you know, we’ve all been there. Tough it out, try to be nice and ignore it as much as you can.
Well, first off, if you’re on bed rest, you don’t have to drive her anywhere, just tell her you can’t. And you don’t have to move things, you can do it after she leaves.
BUT…it sounds like it is time to ask her to leave. Her being there is causing you more stress and it doesn’t sound like she is helping very much at all. You ask her to leave and damn the consequences. If people criticize you, just shrug your shoulders and say the pregnancy hormones made you do it. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, and moms like this can be master manipulators at getting people on “their side.” (I know…..)
By the way, the best way to avoid postpartum depression, in my opinion, is to get as much sleep as possible after the baby comes. You sleep when the baby is sleeping, and whenever your boyfriend is home, you hand him the baby, put in some ear plugs and take a nap. Unless you’re breastfeeding at the moment, if he’s home, you can and should be sleeping. And if he works a lot, you get friends to come in and help take care of the baby for an hour or two while you take a nap. You don’t worry about dishes or laundry or cleaning toilets or putting things away out of boxes or anything else, for a few weeks. This made all the difference with my second baby; it was a lesson hard-learned, I had ppd for 9 months with my first. This is especially important since you’ve had health problems with this pregnancy. You HAVE to take care of yourself and recover, or you can have serious complications.
Good luck.