Stressed Out PLEASE HELP!!!?
I’ve had a pretty difficult past few yrs. I was in 2 year relationship and I found out I was pregnant. When I was 3 months pregnant I found out that my best friend took advantage of me when I was drunk. ( I should have been more responsible). His sister e-mailed me and told me that her brother told her that my baby might be his. I told boyfriend about it and he stood by myside. Then on Christmas eve he broke up with me. Minding you I just turned 9 months. He blew me off for the rest of the time but only went with me to my prenatal visits. 3days before my son was born he started dating this girl from work. And kept lying to me about he just needed to to himself. A couple days later we tooka paternity test and found out that he was not the father. I was devistated and went into a form of depression. I was so blinded by everything that he would tell me after that with all the ” I Love You’s” & the “I dont want to be with her” and messing with my head, he continued to have a whenever-he- felt-like-it- relationship with me. Then I became pregnant by him and he had me have an abortion because he didnt want it and I couldn’t take care of another child. But by the time i went to have the procedure done, i have an ectoptic pregnancy and had to have the procedure done regardless. Then few months later I met my husband. At first we didnt look at each other in any sexual kind of way since we both just came out of pretty bad relationships. The first week we talked non-stop, about anything and everything. He fell in love with my son from the day he met him. 2 months later we got married. Everything happened so fast. From the time we got married my husbands help went down hill. We got married in September. In september he found out he had kidney stones, October Pnemonia, November atrial fibulation (which is very rare in a 24yrs old.) December, upper respiratory infection that lasted 2weeks. January his Gerd and acid reflex was really bad. April he had another upper respiratory infection and found out he has asthma. This monday he just had surgery because he had an inguinal hernia. in December he got laid off from work. And we had to move back to my parents house in April, (due to financial problems.) July he decided to go back to school for his Bachlors’ in Business Management & got his job back working part-time. I just graduated from Medical Assisting and got my diploma last months. I can’t afford daycare so I can work or have anyone in my family that can watch him until I can find a daycare i can afford. Then being a first time mom while my sons going through his teribble two’s at one, and getting spoiled by my parents. I still havent found a job yet. Then my husband is also a rapper and put his dreams aside and decided that now is the time to start. He’d leave the house at 8′oclock and wont come back until 4 in the morning. I dont know what to do. My family tells me thats not good, and i trust & love him but have second thoughts. Can anyone give me advice on how to cope with stress?
Tagged with: Help • please • stressed
Filed under: Prenatal Depression
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Kick back. Grab some Doritos. Turn on the tv. Light up a blunt… you know the rest.
Wow, I would site down and talk to him bring up your concerns. He doesn’t need to be doing that, he has a family now and that is what comes first. Nothing good come come of his actions as they are now. It will only get more and more stressful. Just prepare your self and decide what to say ahead of time, especially if he chooses to put that life style about his families needs. I wish you the best of luck!
Wow, you have a lot on your plate right now. First, let me tell you that all of this seems to be happening way too fast. How old are you? So, your son is the product of you being taken advantage of. Have you considered getting any counseling about that? You were basically raped and now have a child as a result of that. This is one of those things that will come back up in your life repeatedly if you don’t address it now. There are services available to help you with this.
As far as your husband, wow, that is a tough call. His medical conditions are troubling and I can understand why you are worried about them. Being out all night is irresponsible and he needs to be making you and your lives together more of a priority. He needs to put all of his focus into school and getting a better job so you guys stand a chance at something better than living with your parents. You can apply for assistance through the state to help pay for childcare while you work or go to school.
I know that this sounds terrible, but, please make sure that you are being very careful not to get pregnant again right away. With an ectopic history and the amount of stress that you are under right now, you need to be focused on your son and yourself. This marriage doesn’t sound like it is on a great path. Do you have a church that you can go to to talk to the pastor for help?
Good luck and I’ll be thinking about you!
I can relate to the fact that because of your previous experience you may have small doubts about your current husband and your family’s input is not helping. First ask them politely not to speak of the matter until you ask them for advice and then speak to your husband about the uncomfortable time frame he is going out for. About the finances, are you making the calculations correctly because in ny we pay babysitters 20 to 25 dollars a day which usually covers a 6 to 8 hr shift. I think you should go for it because it seems that most of your stress is do to financial instability. Once you begin working a load will be taken off your shoulder. You will be able to help out with bills and you will have some time away from the baby, which we all love but let’s face it we need time with people closer to our age range. going back to your husband the best way to keep a great relationship is communication but also it is how we communicate and our actions after we do. Best of luck and hope your husband is doing better health wise.
I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time. First of all you have a lot of healing to do just from your ex-boyfriend. You came into this marriage with a lot of luggage. You can have a good strong marriage but it’s gonna take a lot of work from both of you. I hope your husband’s health has improved. If it hasn’t I’m pretty sure staying up all night is not going to help. He needs to be responsible for his health, your finances and his marriage. The two of you need to sit down, alone and make a list of goals. Prioritize those goals and set dates for them. Arrange them in the order in which you want to accomplish them. Be honest about what it is going to take to become independent again.
His chances of making it big as a rapper are a million to one. He needs to work full time and finish what he started in school. If the two of you cannot come to an agreement then you should go to counseling as soon as possible.
Get child support from your son’s father. You are the one that should be working part time. Maybe you could find another mom who needs to work and swap out babysitting. You could each work part time.
Take care. I am praying for you.
Wow! What a tough road! First of all, sit down and breathe! And breathe! And breathe! Now repeat after me-This too shall pass. It will get better! Now, on to more practical advise! Have you gone into your local Human Services office and applied for help? They have resources that should be available to you! We have a program in my area that helps to subsidize child care-you still pay a percentage but its more like 20% vrs 100%. Since the help you get there is income based you shouldn’t have any problems.
Now-the husband. I can understand that he has been going through a tough time but unless you can comunicate then I can’t see how you are going to make it. Dreams are all well and good but you really have to take care of the practical things first. Suggest that instead of every night he picks just one on the weekends! He would be the first person to be watching the baby so you can work too! My husband and I have already discussed that when I am ready to go back to work after the twins come what shift is best so that the babies are with one of us at all times and so we save the babysitting costs! The rapper thing needs to take a back seat to having a family-plus exspecially with all the problems you’ve had you really need to have time in which it is just the two of you-marriage takes work to keep it strong!
What about girlfriends that have kids? Do any of them have jobs that you could trade child care? I did that when my 1st child was too young for daycare and I was a single mom. One of my friends worked a different shift so we just traded and both of us saved a lot of money! It’s just as easy to take care of two as it is one!
Even though you are living at your mom’s you need to put your foot down and have your parents abide by the rules you set for your child! You are not always going to be living there and you need to keep what is important to you first and formost! Begin as you mean to go on or you will have a little monster on your hands and be standing there wondering were it all went wrong! The answear is-right now! I have a friend whose parents spoiled her daughter to the point that now that the girl is a teen if Mom says no the kid will get grandma n grandpa to say yes! You do not want a teen that rules the family! Time to be a mom and put the brakes on everyone’s bad behavior! Kids need rules-it makes them feel safe and loved even at an early age to have someone that cares enough to say NO! Just remind your parents that they wouldn’t have let you get away with such behavior so why should your son? I realize the position you are in makes it a hard thing to do but you are going to have to do it! I once walked out of a family Thanksgiving because they were trying to over parent my daughter! Your parents are going to have to see you as a parent-not just their daughter.
So stick to your guns and make small changes to begin with but don’t back down! Good Luck!